By Carl Hiaasen
Bestselling writer Carl Hiaasen properly give up golf in 1973. yet a few goals refuse to die, and because the years handed and the stories of slices and hooks pale, it dawned on Carl that there will be something in lifestyles he may possibly do higher in heart age than he may as a adolescence. So steadily he ventured again to the rolling, complicated eco-friendly hills of the golfing direction, the place he ultimately—and foolishly—agreed to compete in a country-club event opposed to gamers who can truly hit the ball. packed with harrowing divots, lethal doglegs, and excruciating sandtraps, The Downhill Lie is a hilarious chronicle of mis-adventure that could have you rolling with laughter.
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Extra info for The Downhill Lie: A Hacker's Return to a Ruinous Sport
How good those men played whereas wearing their Q-Links was once now not thor-oughly chronicled. A fellow named Ted Purdy gained the 2005 Byron Nelson vintage whereas supposedly draped with a Q-Link, and a number of other best money-winners at the Champions travel (formerly the Seniors journey) have been indexed as chuffed shoppers. actually, the complete eu Ryder Cup roster of 2002 used to be acknowledged to were necklaced en masse at the street to victory. i presumed they received a bulk undefined. the following time i attempted the Q-Link, I wore it facedown to put the cosmic coil towards my middle. in response to the directions, this system used to be completely appropriate and, actually, preferred by way of many golfers. It helped no longer even a little. I nonetheless had 5 three-putts so one can a ninety one, that includes a stellar 50 at the again aspect. for 2 weeks I waited in useless for my rigidity degrees to subside, and for my concentration to sharpen. even if I didn’t bathe in my Neville Brody production, or mortgage it to pals, I did put on it faithfully at the golfing path, regardless of gentle chaf-ing. Its impression on my video game ranged from indiscernible to adversarial. One afternoon, after creating a hash of the sixteenth gap, I whipped off the pendant and vowed to get my a refund. That night, the subsequent trade came about among me and the girl who replied the telephone at Q-Link HQ. Q. Why are you returning it? A. since it doesn’t paintings. The Downhill Lie i discussed my deplorable placing, yet she appeared unmoved. Your refund, she stated, might be approaching. No faster had I transferred custody of the Q-Link to the USA Postal carrier than I skilled a nearly transcendental unburdening, as though a poisonous mojo were purged from my biofield. Wishful pondering, because it grew to become out. My internal golf fre-quencies remained hopelessly jangled with static. Day 283 After hitting 3 consecutive 7-irons into the lake from the 8th tee, I suavely decide up and movement on. Day 289 I’m contemplating switching from the overlapping grip preferred by means of Ben Hogan to the interlocking grip hottest by way of Nicklaus and Woods. I test by means of alternating on each one gap. Day 290 My first golfing foursome in thirty-three years. That sonofabitch Leibo talked me into it. It’s me, him, Al Simmens and a genial, mild-mannered fellow named invoice Anderson. it sounds as if, having a bet is concerned. I assign myself a Quail Valley handicap of 20, which sounds approximately correct. Leibo and that i are paired jointly and that’s wonderful; he’ll preserve me giggling. while I inform him that I’ve been going backward and forward among overlapping and interlocking grips, he indicates switching in the midst of my backswing. sixty three earlier than teeing off, I dip into my small stash of pre-flight Xanax. it may well to boot were a Tic-Tac, for all of the solid it does. I shoot a ghastly 103; Leibo shoots eighty. by some means we nonetheless win the Nassau, with a few aspect bets, and prove splitting $26. “How is that attainable? ” I ask. “Just close up and take the money,” he says. Day 295 I’ve formally switched to an interlocking grip, without detectable development in both my riding or my lengthy irons.