By Bo Burnham
A wierd and captivating number of hilariously absurd poetry, writing, and representation from considered one of contemporary most well liked younger comedians...
EGGHEAD: Or, you cannot continue to exist on principles Alone
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Extra info for Egghead: Or, You Can't Survive on Ideas Alone
I may let you know an engaging truth to get you nodding, Like how carpets have been first made within the hopes that each one of the world’s grass may in the future get replaced via carpets, or, as they referred to as them, “comfy grass. ” i may inform you a frightening tale to get your tooth chattering, anything a few particularly previous guy, sitting in a squeaky rocking chair, pointing at you. What are you within the temper for? My Rabbit’s Foot I’ve obtained a rabbit’s foot and that i think fortunate that i've got it, yet I nonetheless recognize that it must’ve come from one unfortunate rabbit. Onion You had many layers like an onion. Wait, no, like an artichoke—with your layers prepared like snake scales, now not stacked like coats of paint. make sure you name in a yr or so and inform me no matter if i used to be lifting heavy stones off your bunker door or plucking petals off your face. I Fuck Sluts Sluts! Sluts! I fuck sluts! Sluts get fucked while I fuck sluts! No ifs, ands, and/or buts! I fuck sluts! I fuck sluts! great women are great, yet no solid for nut-sucking. They’ll want a serene evening to green-light a butt-fucking, yet that’ll be effortless with sleazy ol’ slut-fucking! Boo to the good ladies! compliment be to slut-fucking! i've got an inventory. an inventory? definite, a listing of all of the sluts I’ve overlooked. I’ve by no means fucked or sucked those sluts and hence my nuts are fucking pissed. So whilst I fuck the fortunate slut, my nut eliminates her from the record— one other dumb cumbucket struck from my nut-sucking, “suck it, slut! ” slut-fucking bucket checklist. Sluts should be white, black, brown, purple, or almond. they are often thin with colossal knockers or be thin with small ones. Sluts might be perky, preppy, or posh, with their brains and their outfits all gotten smaller from the wash. yet different sluts are beautiful and humorous and shrewdpermanent. they could elevate your whole ideas out of your dick in your center. they could speak about technology, tune, or paintings. they could positioned you jointly or pull you aside. yet don’t belief those sluts! Don’t! Don’t you dare! They’ll strength you to belief them and love them and care. after which they’ll be long past after which you’ll remember of that gap on your center that that dumb slut left there. Incomparable You’re incomparable like a… Shit. Like a… Gangly I’m a gangly child, a type of inebriated marionettes, a type of child giraffes with internal ear syndrome. A flailing stork in excessive winds. A stilted freak. i'm an easel—not symbolically—structurally. i try to dance and turn into a twister of elbow. recommendation If the poem you’re writing is foolish and dumb, ensure that it rhymes on the finish. Bum. am i able to Have a observe? am i able to have a be aware, please? it may be any notice. simply supply me a note. we will proportion all of the leisure. simply enable me have one. it may be whatever. I’d take canteen or avid. I’d even accept well timed. yet you can’t use my be aware, no matter what it truly is, with no asking. simply because it’s my note. And I’ll generally allow you to use it if you ask. until, for instance, my notice is significant and also you are looking to use it to explain a film I haven’t obvious but or a film I observed already and didn’t deal with. i actually wish every little thing. That’s my first selection.